JOKE JERK

It used to be that when it came to television, you could get the signal over the air or you could subscribe to cable.  Most Americans hated the cable company.  It’s not that the cable company provided a bad product; it’s just that the cable company usually had a monopoly and acted like it.  Didn’t you ever have that service call that would arrive “between 8 am and 1 pm.”  Now you know what I mean.

But, good for us, today there is an alternative and it’s a good alternative, because nobody even gets their television over the air any more.  That option is satellite TV that also includes the local channels.  That’s right, you have to have the local channels, don’t you?

Sure, you will need some equipment and you’ll also need installation for the satellite TV unless you are a very handy person.  Personally, if I didn’t hire somebody to install my satellite TV, I’d still be listening to the radio.  That is, unless somebody hadn’t already stolen the equipment from my garage.

          Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years. The French came to the
conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.

           Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a
depth of 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter headlines in the UK newspapers
read:  ”English archaeologists have found traces of a 2,000-year-old
fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced
high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the
French.?
          One week later, Israeli newspapers reported the following:  ”After
digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, they found
absolutely nothing. They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were using
wireless.?

If you are hoping to go golfing soon and escape this horrible snow, then feast your eyes on Myrtle Beach, SC. Myrtle Beach has become a year round resort as its not just for the summer any more. There’s so much to do there. In addition to the great miniature golfing, you can play a round of real golf on one of many Myrtle Beach golf resorts. There are so many golf packages Myrtle Beach that you’ll find one that fits your ability and your budget.

Of course, you can’t spend all day on the golf course.  You’ll need to sleep a little bit.  That’s why Myrtle Beach hotel chains are there to serve you and your party with great hotel rooms and even more delicious food.  In the offseason, you can even get a room on the beach for under $79!

Check out the hotels online before heading off to Myrtle Beach and you’ll see just how affordable this great resort town can be.  We are thinking about going there in February and leaving the snow behind to play a few rounds of golf.  I certainly need the time off.  One of the best bargains you will find during the Winter is the http://www.princeresortonline.com

When you read any projections about the internet for 2011, there is one common theme: video.

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Gone are the days when you could just write some solid copy and people would read your stuff. Today, they want more. They want compelling video production to watch online.

What you want as a web site owner is a video that will go viral. And, unless you are incredibly lucky when you have your video cam rolling, you won’t get video that will get noticed. That’s why you need to hire professionals. Professionals with experience in all aspects of producing great video and being able to book voice talent that will make your video the best on the web.

In just another week and a half, you are going to see the best in professional football and the best in television production when you and everybody else in America tunes in to the Super Bowl. Usually, the TV commercials are better than the game itself. At least, they are more reliable to be top notch.

That’s right. Production value is so important.

If you live in the NorthEast, you are about sick of the bad weather right now.  When is this snow ever going to end?  Wouldn’t a trip to a Myrtle Beach Resort sound great about now?  You bet it would.

Myrtle Beach Resorts are a popular destination in both Summer and Winter.  There’s so much to do in Myrtle Beach, even if you don’t like the beach or you don’t know a wood from an iron.  The entertainment is amazing, especially if you are a country music fan.

And, the best thing of all is that a trip to Myrtle Beach won’t break the bank account.  Myrtle Beach Accommodations are plentyful.  Therefore, there are great deals available.  So, check it out.  Myrtle Beach, South Carolina will be happy you visited.  And, you’ll get that Summer look back on your face.

I am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant. The mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. 

That is why I also propose that two gay nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance within the Muslim community. We could call the clubs “The Turban Cowboy” and “You Mecca Me So Hot”. Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and have an open barbeque with spare ribs as its daily special. 

Across the street  I envision a very daring lingerie store called “Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret” with sexy  models in the window revealing their “secret packages.” Next door to the lingerie store could be an Adult Toy Shop (Koranal Knowledge?), its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store named “Morehammered.” 

The shopping season for Christmas is now behind us, but that won’t stop 2011 from becoming the biggest year ever in terms of online shopping.  Every year, more and more people are shopping online than ever before.

One of the biggest online shopping products for 2011 is surely going to be televisions with the introduction of 3-D viewing taking over home theatres in America.  I know this is one product that I’ll be searching for in the new year.

Of course, while many will opt for home theatre systems in 2011, some will stick with rear projection televisions instead.  There’s something special about a rear projection TV, especially if you have a big theatre room to put it in.

That’s the great thing about Shop Wiki.  It goes through thousands of sites to find the one with the best price for you.  And, with the economy still struggling, saving money will be even more important in 2011.

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.  Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.  They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.  Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.  How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively. ‘I would like it infrequently.’ she replied. 

  
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered – 

‘Is that one word or two?’

My friend and I were joking the other day (as we often do), about the changing hem lines and pants lengths that come and go in women’s styles.  We both agreed that we liked mini skirts and hot pants the best–at least on most women.  After all, what guy doesn’t?

But, the style that we really didn’t like?  Pedal pushers!  They look ridiculous.  But, let’s face it: women are suckers for new styles whether they look good or not!  Sometimes, I wonder if some women actually own a mirror at home!  Or, if they stop at the local bar before they go shopping.

Ladies, let’s all consider a new holiday please.  No pedal pushers day.  At least, those who flunked out of high school history will know the symbolism of this very important new holiday.

You know the pants.  The ones that don’t know if they are long or they are short.  They are funny looking in part, because the woman wearing them certainly knows if she is tall or short, but her pants appear to have no clue!  Why is that!

Not sure what pedal pushers are?  They are those pants that end at the calf.  So, as a guy, we don’t get a lot of leg to look at and they actually make the legs of the woman wearing them appear shorter!  What woman wants that?  They all claim to be 2 inches taller than they really are!  Oh, I forgot, you count the high heels!

So, come on you Republicans who just had a landslide victory.  Do what we voted for.  Ban these darn ugly pedal pusher pants forever!

The cold months of the winter are horrible in the NorthEast part of the country.  You get a bit stir crazy spending all of that time indoors so you need to keep yourself entertained when you are home.  Sure, there’s the occasional night out, but for the most part, when you come home from work, it’s already dark.

That’s why winter is the best time to consider directv packages.  You know you are going to be watching more TV in the winter so why not have the best array of channels available?  You can get that with directv.

With direct tv, you get all of the sports channels at a fraction of the cost of cable TV.  Now, that in itself should be enough reason to go and buy a package.