JOKE JERK

Governor Rendell of Pennsylvania recently faced a crisis as many states and businesses are today.  His state was going broke and he was faced with laying off 1100 state employees or to get table casino games put into the state’s new slot machine casinos.  It was easy for the legislature to vote in favor of adding casino games to the casinos.

No matter whether you like it or not, casino gaming is expanding dramatically in the United States.  A new site on the web that is getting a lot of hype is called OnlineCasinosPlanet.org.

I went to one page that listed all of the casinos in the United States.  When you think of casinos in the United States, you immediately think of Las Vegas and if you live in the east you may think of Atlantic City.

But, when you look at this guide to all of the casinos in the entire country, it’s amazing how many there actually are!  My favorite name among them was the Chicken Ranch Bingo Casino.  Now, that’s a tourist destination.

Dump the male flight  attendants.
No one wanted them in the first place.

Sincerely,
Tiger

More pictures are taken around Christmas time than any other time of the year.  I’m sure you probably have a camera full of Christmas pictures right now.  It’s time to put them off your camera and on to the web for all others to enjoy.

Christmas is about sharing and giving.  Christmas sharing of your pictures can be done on the site Christmaspace.com.   This way others can enjoy the fun and family love that you enjoyed just two weeks ago at Christmas time.

And, this site is not just about your Christmas pics, it’s also about your Christmas videos.  You can place your videos on the site and have others enjoy them as well as your family.  They can be funny or silly or just plain old boring.

Put them on the site and others will be able to enjoy what you enjoyed just two weeks ago–your best Christmas ever.

President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, ‘Isn’t that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?’

The guy exclaimed, ‘A blonde with big tits? 

Why kill a blonde with big tits?’ 

Cheney turns to Bush and says, ‘See, I told you, no one gives a shit

about the 140 million <insert group here>.

How much do you think Direct TV costs?

Try less than $30 per month for over 150 channels!  How much are you paying the local cable company for the privilege of watching television in your own home?

You can have more channels, save more money, and get free Showtime for the first three months when you sign up for DirectTV at blogtelevision.net. That’s not to mention all of the sports channels and other premium channels that you can add to your package.

The great thing about Directv is that you don’t need the kind of equipment that you needed back in the day when you needed to put a satellite dish the size of the Hubbell in your back yard.  Today, the dish is no bigger than a pizza.

So, start the new year in the right way and add Direct TV to your family home.

It’s Christmas time so nobody has any money left so why are we even thinking about buying show tickets now?  It’s because you can get very reasonable tickets to events through an online site call ACheapSeat.com.

Nothing says Christmas more than the Radio City Christmas Spectacular tickets.  You know what I’m talking about–the Rockettes!  If you’ve ever seen the legs on those girls, you surely wouldn’t forget!  A few years ago, the Rockettes put together a second group to travel the country so you could see their high kicking act, even if you never made it to NYC.

Another hot ticket you may want to consider is Jersey Boys Tickets.  These tickets are really not easy to get and if you weren’t one of the lucky ones to get them when they first went on sale, you’re going to pay a hefty premium, unless you contact the web site.  It’s not as tough of a ticket as the Super Bowl, but tough nevertheless.

Finally, Christmas music abounds when you see an act by Trans-Siberian Orchestra.  This is a rock band that plays Christmas music which makes them unique right off the bat.  Trans-Siberian Orchestra Tickets are in hot demand and since they are only in your town one night, you’d better be sure you obtain them when you can or it will be another year before you see them again.

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart
and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

It’s all people want today, more Tiger Woods jokes so here’s some more jokes about that wacky golfer.

What’s the difference between an Escalade and a golf ball?

Tiger can’t drive an Escalade 300 yards.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between the wood or the iron.

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana? Tiger has a better Driver.

We heard that Tiger’s wife has been interested in taking up golf. However, 2:30am does sound a bit of an odd time to start hitting your Woods.

Ping just offered Elin Nordegren an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They are marketing them as “clubs you can beat Tiger with.”

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods’ crash. They are calling it, “Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger.”

EA Sports has announced the recall of Tiger Woods 2010 so a new bonus level can be added called “Tiger vs The Driveway”. A collector’s edition will be sold with a free Wii steering wheel.

What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They’re both clubbed by Scandinavians.

If you made it to work this morning, you have earned the right to say “I can out drive Tiger Woods.”

Police: Did you hit your husband with the golf club.

Elin: Yes I hit him three or four times.

Police: Well which was it three or four?

Elin: Just put me down for three.

Tigers Attorneys issued the following statement: “Mr. Woods would like to take a mulligan.”

Tiger is no different from most of the guys I know. His car is a wreck, he is off work,  his wife hates him, and he has sudden, unexpected, family expenses to deal with.

Don’t you think it’s suspicious that all of the sudden Phil Michelson thinks it’s a great idea to install fire hydrants on all major golf courses?

Tiger Woods won’t be playing any more tournaments this year.

However,I’m sure he will get in some holes here and there.

Neighbors of Tiger Woods shared that before the accident, they heard Tiger’s wife, Elin screaming,  “You are nothing but a dog!”

Ironically, Tiger immediately ran into a fire hydrant.