JOKE JERK

A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman’s vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.When they got there the doctor said, “The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out.”

The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, “Hey, what the hell is going on?”

The doctor says, “Change of plans — I’m going to drown the bastard.”

    Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope.  On Friday, they appeared in court before the judge.

    The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever.  I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

    Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,

    “How did you do over the weekend?”

    “Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

    “Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”

    “I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this…

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/      \
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    …and told them that this [pointing to the big circle] is your brain before drugs, and that this [pointing to the small circle] your brain after drugs.”

    “That’s admirable,” said the judge. Then he turns to the second boy. “And you, how did you do?”

    “Well, your honor I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

    “Wow!” said the judge, “156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!?!”

    “Well, I used a similar approach,” the boy said. And he also drew a simple llustration.

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       /     \
O   |       |
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    “I just pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison’….”

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whorehouse. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl. She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive.After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress. As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it’s a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window.

The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn’t heard of, finally asks, “What the hell are you doing?”

The farm boy replies, “Ah ain’t never been with no woman before but, if it’s anythin’ like fuckin’ sheep, we gonna need all the room we can git.”