A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?”
“Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she […]
1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw
a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said “morning.”
He said “no just taking a shit”.
2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole
a bike and […]
A husband comes home and tells his wife he’s going to get a tatoo of a $100 bill on his penis.
His wife asks him why he would do such an idiotic thing.
“Well,” he says. “I like to play with my money. I like to see my money grow. And, if you feel the need to […]
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every […]
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ‘Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?’
The parrot says, ‘I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.’
‘Holy crap,’ the guy replies. ’You actually understood and answered me!’
‘I […]
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman’s vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.When they got there the doctor said, “The only way I can think to get the wasp out […]
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope. On Friday, they appeared in court before the judge.
The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to […]
A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whorehouse. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a […]
Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm.