Jewish Jokes
On Being Jewish…
Q: What is a Jewish ménage-a-trois
A: Two headaches and an erection.
Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked
Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours.
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car.
Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?
A: Plaintiff
Q: What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?
A: Nothing at all
Q: Define “genius”
A: An average student with a Jewish mother
Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat
Q: What do you call the nipple on a Jewish wife’s breast?
A: The tip of the iceberg
Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes 550SL convertible
Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”
One of life’s mysteries - how a 2 Ib. box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
Another of life’s mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing; then they marry him.
A Bar Mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to realize that he is more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play for one