Divorce

August 11th, 2012

My wife was screaming at me: “Leave!! Get out of this house!” she ordered.

As I was walking out the door she yelled, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!”

So I turned around and replied, “So now you want me to stay?”

Funny Video: Seniors and iPads

July 11th, 2012

This is a very funny video from Germany about senior citizens using iPads.

You Owe it To Your Family

April 6th, 2012

You travel for work and you can’t always be there, but protecting your family is one of the most important things that a man can do.  That’s why you need to invest in home security systems for your loved ones.

If somebody ever broke into your house while you were gone and did harm to your family, you would never forget it. It would haunt you for life.  That’s why it’s so important to have the home security system that will act like an insurance policy for your family.

While a home security system can’t do it all, it is like having a loyal pit bull in your house.  A would-be criminal would not break into the home and deal with a vicious dog; they’ll just move on to the next house and rob it instead.

Cheap Lawyers

March 4th, 2012

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … no.”

The lawyer interrupts, “or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

“or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”

Direct TV Convert

March 4th, 2012

Guest post written by my buddy Fidel Hernandez

There are some pretty good direct tv San Francisco deals going on right now. I already have Direct TV, but I am trying so hard to get everyone else I know to get it! I am a true convert! I used to have another provider. I was pretty hesitant to even consider switching my service partially because I thought it would be a hassle and because I thought I had the best provider our there. Turned out I was wrong because I landed some package where I got to have lots of kids channels like Disney, Nick and that Noggin program the kids always rant about. Then I got to have a pretty big sports package so I could watch the Tennis network, a couple of the ESPNs and I definitely get my fill of college basketball with the new channels. My wife on the other hand is all about TLC, Bravo and a little bit of the SOAP network every now and again. The biggest difference really is that I get all that and some more for a better price than I did before. I keep telling my friends, but maybe they will not believe me until I show them a bill comparison!

Wow! What a Commercial!

January 24th, 2012

Watch this hair raising commercial. One of the most clever ads I’ve ever seen.

Dirt Devil-The Exorcist from MrPrice2U on Vimeo.

Hearst Castle

December 22nd, 2011

Guest post from: Steve Delaney

I was watching my Saturday morning television on direct tv indianapolis and started watching a series on the History Channel that I love. I remember watching the series a long time ago, but haven’t seen them in years. They are thirty minute episodes that tell the history and give tours of “America’s Castles”. My favorite that was highlighted was the Hearst Mansion. Located high on a bluff in California, it is a home on the grandest scale. It houses many European arts and treasures. It is not only artwork that hangs on the walls, but architectural pieces and sculptures. The Hearst mansion also had a zoo, its own train, several pools, stables, and tennis courts. It was truly a place to rest and relax in its hayday in the 1920s. It was a time of no income tax and beautiful home. People attended parties in the evenings and dressed to the nines. Anyone who was anyone was invited to the Hearst Mansion. Dignitaries and movies stars alike would mingle in the beautiful castle built by the newspaper mogul best known for his beautiful homes.

Two Old Drunks

December 11th, 2011

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend“That’s us in 10 years”.

 

He said “That’s a mirror, dip-shit!

Stampede to Calgary

December 4th, 2011

Ah…Calgary.  One of the most scenic places in North America.  Calgary has just about everything that you would ever want.  A strong economy, jobs, sports, and affordable living.  That’s why so many Americans and Canadians are moving to Calgary in beautiful Alberta.

Affordability is one of the key reasons for the move.  Living in Calgary is much cheaper than living in Vancouver, Toronto, or Montreal.  And, getting Calgary Apartments for a fair rental price is at the top of the list of reasons to move to Calgary.

I’ve been to Calgary and I was really impressed by what the city had to offer.  I would highly recommend Calgary as a great place to live.

Retired Husband

November 23rd, 2011

Target Store chick

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target..

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.